


Summer

by hartxstarr



Series: Fracas [2]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: (post-post-apocalypse), Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Awkwardness, Insecurity, M/M, Nonbinary Character(s), Overthinking, implied church/caboose, implied past church/donut, implied tucker/caboose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 15:59:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12413349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hartxstarr/pseuds/hartxstarr
Summary: In the land of the trees, a wanderer is a person without a home. They travel around looking for- well, it could be a number of any different things, really. It just depends on the individual. A common trait found in all wanderers, however, is how they claim their namesake: they can never stay in one place for very long.Don't be surprised if you look up one moment to find them gone in the next.---Lavernius thinks too much. Or maybe his worries are justified. He wonders, perhaps, if there are certain vital pieces of information that he's missed entirely. Maybe he's made the wrong choice in life. Now that he thinks about it, maybe he should have actually made life choices.Maybe the heat is getting to him; the sun is playing tricks with him. That could be a possibility. Yeah.Or: Lavernius thinks entirely too much and his relationship isn't as complicated as he makes it out to be. Or is it?Maybe you just can't change who someone really is. He should have learned that a long time ago.





	Summer

_Summer fucking sucked._  


Well, no. Summer didn't _really_ suck. All the time, that is. The truth was, summer was great. Sometimes. The heat always beat the chill and a fire wasn't needed to keep warm during the night. The sun stayed higher in the sky and the moon seemed to glow brighter, more beautiful. Delano traded with apricots and plums, blackberries and blueberries, and Michael never went to bed cold and hungry. Cleaning could be done in the river instead of a sink or a tub; could afford to be abandoned for in favor of a quick swim. Or a day long swim, if it was hot enough.  


But summer sucked because Sarge always seemed to catch more fish than Lavernius ever could. Dick always complained about his upper body sweat and that he was out of lotion or something. Whatever that meant. Michael made friends with all the animals within the immediate forest area like some type of Disney princess so no one could really hunt them down unless they wanted an upset Blue mopping about all day. The boundary line between the river always seemed to be in need of redrawing, and of course the teams never agreed on which side gets what.  


Summer was one of the seasons when that traveling doctor guy popped out of nowhere to make their rounds - and seemed to think that aloe vera neck rubs were the cure to everything (and, fuck, it was, as ridiculous as it sounded). Hot summer days equaled hot summer nights that seemed to pull Lavernius from his sleep. Leonard never climbed into his bed during the summer.  


And, Lavernius thought, _that_ sucked most of all. Leonard didn't sit as close to him, didn't rest his head on his shoulder. He didn't kiss him as much, or held him as long as he would during the other seasons. There were no peaceful sits of silence or shared smiles whenever Michael did something admittedly cute. No nights of laughter or a barely contained glee-filled smile as Leonard mastered a new coin trick. There were no coin tricks at all, actually. Just flipping it through his fingers, and that didn't really count as a coin trick. Not anymore. Not really. It was more of a habit. Something Leonard did to keep his hands busy, to _do_ something.  


Lavernius was certain the Blue leader didn't realize he was doing it half the time.  


There was no star gazing, or watching the sun rise or set, or morning kisses, or whispered dreams or admissions. No goodnight kisses. The Blue was less interested in trivial things that the day was made up of and he often went off to do his own thing. Not that _that_ one was anything new, really, it's just that. During the other three seasons, while Lavernius could go off and find him after a while or so, during the summer Leonard was just.  


Lenny was never around during summer, really. It'd start gradually. The days would grow hotter, and the light stretched on for longer, and he'd drag Lavernius along on for longer walks. Further, along paths that weren't even paths, overgrown and underused, and, one day, Lavernius would look around and find that Leonard had went off by himself this time. And the day after that, and the day after that, until he disappeared in the mornings and returned in the late evenings. Then, Lavernius would wake up and Leonard would already be gone. And the Blue leader would skip meals and events and, one day, Lavernius would see the sun leaving the sky and realize that Leonard never came home. He'd be gone. And he'd never see him, and _Michael_ would never see him, and Lavernius' chest would tighten and a chill would run down his spine and-  


That's how Lavernius found himself on Red Team property, searching for his lost not-leader. But, as it turns out, the community on the other side of the avenue didn't feel like being so helpful in his search.  


"Aren't they always around _you?_ " Dex spoke like it was the absolute truth. Like Leonard was right there standing next to him. He wasn't, that was the problem.  


Though, a quick, totally inconspicuous look around was made to see if he was. Just to make sure.  


"No," Dex continued when Lavernius offered up no reply. He breathed it out like a sigh, like a jig of some sort was up without any effort made at all. Like Lavernius made a face that he didn't realize and the Red felt somewhat _bad_ about his poor joke, maybe. He turned his head slightly, meeting the eyes of Dick next to him, before turning back. "They only come around during the day. You know, when they want something. Like food. They always come around for food - why don't they ever eat at _Blue Base?_ Don't you ever feed them?"  


When Lavernius couldn't give a proper response, Dex said, "They came here earlier asking for an apple."  


This, Lavernius was able to found the words to ask "Did you give it to him?"  


Dex scoffed, like the idea was incredulous. " _I_ didn't. _Delano,_ however..."  


Dick was the one who caught the accidental slip of the face. "Um," he cleared his throat. Inspected a spot on his arm. Began scratching at it probably in what he thought was an inconspicuous manner. "Delano offered him the apple, but Leonard only took a bite out of it, gave it back, and left."  


"It was a _big_ bite, too," Dex added.  


"But that was hours ago."  


"That's _so_ weird though."  


"He didn't want to _eat_ it-“  


"Leonard never eats _anything_ we give them, even if they ask for it," Dex rolled his eyes. "Like, _actually_ eats it. They take one bite, _one bite,_ and give it back. I could _never_ do that. You know why they're so skinny? Because they'd rather suck on an apple than actually eat it. That's weird. Take care of that."  


Again, Lavernius didn't quite know how to respond to this specific conversation topic. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, thinking about all the times he remembers seeing the Blue leader with a food related item in his mouth but never quite actually eating it. While he couldn't recall a time, he recalled all the times Leonard kept his _coin_ in his mouth instead.  


He knew he made a face at the thought. Leonard said he just liked having something in his mouth, and Lavernius had stared at him. The taste of alloy didn't sound so appealing to him, he had said, and Lenny said it didn't for him either, but he did it anyway. "For stimulation," he explained. Then he laughed at Lavernius's face, kissed him, and popped the quarter back into his mouth.  


Alloy really _didn't_ taste good. Shit.  


Lavernius said, more to himself then to anyone else: "Better an apple than a quarter."  


Dick spoke up, "What was that?"  


He cleared his throat. "Nothing."  


Dex went on, "They're an apple waster."  


"It's only one bite," Lavernius started to feel the flow of the conversation around him. "You guys grow a ton of them."  


Dex ultimately shot that feeling down by looping it back around with a "They're always around you."  


Lavernius left the Red base to continue his search. Leonard came around Red Base every once in a while, so that's good to know. At least he's eating. Kind of. Not really. Not entirely. A chill ran down his spine again and left him restless. Where else would Leonard go? Into the foliage? In _this_ lighting? Well, that's not that much of a stretch considering Leonard's inhuman ultra night vision ability. _That's complete bullshit, by the way._ But anyway. Under the staircase? Michael's room? Lavernius checked again just to make sure. No, a quick peek only showed Michael curled around his pillow, blanket kicked away needlessly in his sleep. Lavernius smiled fondly before quietly closing the door again. The couch?  


No sign of the Blue leader.  


_Summer fucking sucked._  


It was near dark when he finally found him, reclining in a lawn chair on the flat of a small shop's roof. A beat up old couch sat in the corner, a sheet of metal hanging over it from the top of the larger shop adjacent it. A worn-looking wooden stool stood near the couch, and Lavernius dragged it over to the Blue who sat up upon his arrival but said nothing to announce it. Lavernius sat carefully, afraid any added weight would break the thing - it looked so bad.  


Leonard watched him quietly before, "What."  


Lavernius, still in the process of judging the overall quality of his seat, looked up. "What?"  


Leonard's mouth seemed occupied, and he held up a finger as if to tell him to wait a moment. There was a beat of silence before Lavernius said "I don't know what that means, man."  


The Blue seemed to roll something with his tongue before spitting it out over the edge of the shop's roof. Licked his lips. Wiped at them with his arm. "It means you're usually in bed at this hour."  


_True, as it was,_ "No it doesn’t.”  


"What're you doing here?"  


A beat. Suddenly he wasn't so sure of this. "Looking for you?"  


No reply. Leonard slowly looked out over the avenue. His hand seemed to reach for his coin in his pocket on it's own accord. As Lavernius watched him flip it between his fingers, he decided on a different approach:  


"Come to bed with me."  


A tilt of the head. A consideration? He pressed his lips together. And then, "No." The Blue leader sat back again.  


Something inside of him felt like it had sunk. Like a lurch. In all honesty, he should have expected it. "At least come back." When he didn't get an answer, the Blue in teal slowly faced forward towards the avenue before him. He pursed his lips. Puckered them. Opened his mouth to say something. Says nothing at all. Lavernius studied Blood Gulch until his not-leader spoke again.  


A mumble, quiet. An explanation, almost apologetic. Almost to himself, "Can't sleep."  


Lavernius looked at Leonard. He looked at the side of his face. At his jaw and at his lips, the set of his brow and the way his hair was caught in the warm breeze. His eyes, looking at the clear view of the avenue, yet not quite looking at all. _His eyes,_ electric and green, and searching for something, something, something.  


He had been gone all day. He was gone when Lavernius woke up, and was gone when he was about ready to go to sleep. Gone when the rest of Blue Team ate breakfast, then lunch, and an uneventful dinner. Gone when Mikey caught a fish at the river. Gone when he had smiled and showed Lavernius, big and proud, and gone when he had turned to show Leonard. Leonard, who wasn't there. Wasn't ever there. Who used to be there, complaining about everything and anything at all. Who rolled his eyes and said he didn't want to be there, yet always came along anyway, smiling when he thought no one was watching. _What was he looking for?_  


The chill returned. It ran down his back, looped around, and took center in the pit of his stomach. His chest tightened and an anchor seemed to drop from somewhere inside of him. Lavernius was afraid Leonard would leave just because he felt like it. Felt a call from deep within the forest where he came from and never come back. Walk and walk and walk until-  


Until what? Until he realized he hated Blood Gulch? And of course Leonard hated Blood Gulch, he was always complaining about everything; the avenue, the residents. The resources and the company.  


Lavernius was part of the company. Was he a bad one? He hoped not. He tried not to be. He'd like to think he's a good one. Good enough. Good enough for _Leonard._ If he is, then the Blue won't leave. He'd stay with the thought of him alone. _Leonard wouldn't leave if he liked him enough._  


The more Lavernius thought about it, the less certain he was about where Leonard's feelings for him lies. He wasn't even sure how much Leonard liked him, if he was honest with himself. Did he like him at all? A year of smiling into kisses and confessions in the moonlight. Quiet laughter and walks with a forest view. Lavernius didn't know what they had, but they had _something._ Couldn't quite place it in a box, overflowing with emotion and- and something. What was it?  


He tried to pick the conversation back up. _Can't sleep._ "So you decided a chair was more comfortable than a bed?" A beat. "A couch?"  


Movement in the settling dark. A shrug. "Well," his not-leader starts. "I mean, I'm not really, like, _sleeping,_ or anything. I'm just," starting to fidget in his seat. "S-sitting. Here. As you can, uh, see." Absolutely fidgeting in his seat. Leonard sits up suddenly, as if struck with a realization. He looks at Lavernius. "Well, maybe you _can't_ actually see- the dark- awful eyesight." He stares. Squints. "Wait, how did you even find me?"  


Lavernius sits at a vantage point, the stool taller than the lawn chair, so when he reaches for Leonard's shoulder he bends over slightly. Strains when he retracts immediately. Changes his mind, tugs at Leonard’s sleeve instead.  


It's white, Leonard's shirt. Bright against the dull, earthen tones of Blood Gulch. Not as clean as it had been several years ago. Off-white, actually. A dirt stain here from when Michael accidentally tripped him that one time, a few grass stains there from when Lavernius _totally accidentally_ shoved him too hard, causing the Blue to lose his balance and spiral down into a meadow clearing of the woods. Leonard had been pissed that Lavernius couldn't deliver an acceptable apology through his barely contained laughter and the mere fact that he wasn't very sorry at all.  


“It was an accident, dude," also wasn't acceptable and Leonard called him out on his bullshit before jumping at him, accidentally tumbling them both down a nearby hill in the process and landing in a heap in the grass before Michael had thrown himself into the fray just to be included. Leonard had shrieked and Lavernius made to scramble away, but Michael was insistent and the three of them had ended up rolling around in the grass with only a minimal amount of pushing and shoving.  


It ended when Michael wrestled the two of them into a tight hug, and the three had laid there in the grass for a while, panting, trying to catch their breaths in the shade of the nearby trees. Michael smiled wide and Leonard quietly mumbled something about the stains on his shirt, and Lavernius began laughing again.  


The shirt was faded and white. Plain. It was practically one of the only things Leonard had owned for himself before coming to Blood Gulch. Thinned and stretched. Still noticeable in the darkness. Still Leonard's. _Not Lavenrius',_ and this time he prepared himself for the sinking sensation. Didn't make it feel any worst, though.  


It must of shown on his face; Leonard cleared his throat and changed the topic. "Delano showed me this place. He brought me here for the- the thing."  


_The thing._ A picnic crafted, carefully constructed, for the Blue leader and the cheery Red in pink. Alone, back in the spring. _A date._ An unpleasant memory for Lavernius.  


Leonard takes his hand and laces their fingers together. Smiles apologetically.  


It's returned reassuringly.  


They both settle back as comfortably as they could manage, and Leonard gestures to the corner. "I've been, uh, meaning to ask if we could switch out our couch for that one. I- sleep in it better."  


_Ah._ The answer to so many lonely nights. Leonard's been complaining about his old worn couch since last winter.  


"We'll switch it."  


How they'll manage carrying it down two flights of stairs, across town, and up another flight is beyond him. Leonard would probably give up halfway through and Michael would carry it way too fast for Lavernius to handle, either pulling or pushing. It'll absolutely take way longer than it should.  


_Come home._ "We'll switch them out later." _Come back home, I miss you, Lenny, please-_  


Lavernius stood. His stool fell over in the force of his resolve, and Leonard let his hand fall from Lavernius' grasp. But the Blue in teal tightened his grip, tugged the Blue leader to his feet, and held both of their hands between them. Leonard quirked an eyebrow in response of the speed of these actions. But he didn't move away. Didn't move to advance. Leonard didn't do much of anything but look at him, a question in his vivid eyes.  


Lavernius released a breath he didn't know he was holding and laced their fingers together again. He drew close, feeling the Blue's breath. Looked up. Almost looked away in surprise. _Leonard was maintaining eye contact._ Lavernius pursed his lips together trying to stifle a laugh at a similar memory: it had escalated into a rather awkward but intense staring contest that had both of them holding back their laughter, determined to be the last to blink first. After an tense minute or so, they had torn themselves apart at the same time, having been unable to contain their peals of laughter any longer. They had turned back a moment after, declaring themselves the winner of their sudden impromptu staring contest.  


The mood had, thankfully, not been ruined by their antics. A new game had ensued: first to finish loses.  


The glint in Leonard's eye told him that he also remembered. They returned knowing smiles and Lavernius hovered closer. When was that? A year ago. Near the start of their- their what?  


Lavernius hesitated. What was this? Was this- _was this-_  


What if Leonard didn't _want_ to come back? He had looked pretty comfortable sitting right there where he was. Would he really want to leave Blood Gulch? Maybe he just didn't like the shop-home the Blues lived in. Maybe he wanted space. Maybe Lavernius was actually bothering the Blue - that was it, wasn't it? Leonard came here to get away from everyone. To be by himself away from Michael, and the Reds, and any worries and, hell, even _Lavernius-_  


Maybe Lavernius was overstepping some boundary line he doesn't know about. He's never had this. Whatever _this_ was. Whatever it was, he didn't want to lose it. Not yet anyway. Life was good with Leonard. The rest of Blood Gulch was okay, but Leonard was different. Rooftop kisses and shared beds. Pushing each other into the river, fighting the Reds. Sitting close near the fire. Listening to each other's heartbeats as they trailed off into a lazy rest on the back patio of all places. Leonard doesn't treat him like he does the Reds. Michael. This _thing,_ whatever it is, it's different. _They're_ different. But- but how so?  


Their gazes locked. Green. Electric. Leonard tilted his head and looked at him. _Was there something wrong?_ No, slowly, Lavernius inched closer, leaned further up until-  


Another memory. This time from further back: Michael calling him over, and Lavernius, already riled up after a frustrating day, tried to ignore him from the other room as he stuffed his bag full of any supplies they may need. Him and Michael were soaked from the sudden rainstorm outside and, while Michael was playing around in the puddles and being a general nuisance, Lavernius just wanted to get home and hoped that they weren't on the Red side of the avenue. He really couldn't tell; the rain was coming down in such thick, heavy sheets that it was literally impossible to tell and he honestly really didn't even care anymore. He just wanted to dry up by the fire and Michael wasn't being helpful at all. But Mikey didn't take the hint and kept calling his name and saying he wanted to show him something and Lavernius finally went to check just to shut the guy up. Rounding the corner, he had seen what had gotten Michael so excited: Leonard, dripping wet and squinting at their unfamiliar faces.  


A hiccup in memory: a freshly showered Blue in teal and aqua clothing that didn't belong to him and didn't quite fit right.  


What did he ever do before Leonard came to Blood Gulch? Argue with the Reds, hunt and gather food, keep Michael out of trouble. All the things he still does now. So why does it feel so different? Because Leonard was there with him? Why did Leonard even stick around anyway? What was the reasoning? What's stopping him from up and leaving one day?  


What if Leonard really did want to leave Blood Gulch? What then? Where would he go? What would he do? Michael was always upset whenever Leonard wasn't around. _Lavernius_ was always upset whenever Leonard wasn't around. Where would Leonard go if not within distance of the town? Surely not far. Surely not for good. _Surely_ Leonard didn't think he could survive out there, in the woods, without any resources, or food, or means of survival.  


_Not when Lavernius had found him alone, cold and wet, with nothing at all. With nowhere to go. From nowhere at all._  


Lavernius ducked his head, causing the kiss to land awkwardly on the side of his nose.  


What was he even doing here? He didn't have any right to go and search for Leonard. If he wanted to go off and leave, that was his decision. Who was Lavernius to stop him? And why would he be upset anyway? One less Blue, it's not like the teams were ever even in the first place; Red and Blue, there wasn't ever any point to them anyway. Leonard declared himself leader, but what did that even mean? Nothing, if he wasn't ever going to be around anyway. In fact, Lavernius should be leader, he was the first- wait teams didn't actually exist, that's right. It was just some dumbfuck idea that Sarge brought up one day after having pulled it out of their-  


Lavernius was brought out of his musings when Leonard cupped his face in his hands and brought him in for a chaste kiss. His lips were gone before he had any real time to register them, and Lavernius found himself scrambling for somewhere to hold on to, to keep him close, before settling on Leonard's hips - not that it was even needed, his face was still in a gentle hold.  


He focused back in on Leonard. _Leonard._ He leaned in for another kiss. Longer, sweeter. When they separated, Lavernius wanted to say something, he really did, it's just that. He didn't really know where to start exactly. And as he stood there, looking a little lost for words, losing his grip, physically, Leonard thought it was funny, perhaps, and removed his hands from Lavernius' face to instead rest them on his waist idly, looking back out towards Blood Gulch again.  


They should really be getting back home. The sun had left and, really, Lavernius couldn't see anything out there himself anymore but he supposed that Leonard wasn't studying anything in particular. In fact, he _knew_ Leonard wasn't really looking at anything. Again - Lavernius could _just_ see it in his eyes - the Blue leader was searching for something. But nothing was there before him.  


Leonard frowned a bit - this Lavernius could see - and cleared his throat. Seemed to search for the right words before starting with a "Vernie," stopped himself. Tried again, scanned another section of darkness that only he could see, "I meant to leave- on the morning of that first day," he fumbled over his own words, yet he still managed to lift his voice towards the end. It kind of sounded like a question. It sounded like he was unsure of the way it came out. As it was coming out.  


He continued, "I- wanted to. I really did. Had my bags packed, everything," Lavernius didn't point out the fact that Leonard didn't _have_ any bags. Still don't, to this day. Doesn't have anything, really. "I woke up, and I sat on the couch, and I looked up and I noticed it was still raining. All night, it hadn't stopped," this is where his voice picked up, drummed his fingers at Lavernius' sides rhythmically, one at a time, one hand, then the other, before inadvertently tugging him closer. "I had thought about it - even in the shower - that I should leave. But it was raining, and it was still fucking raining, and I was going to leave _but it was raining-_ " He licked his lips. Tried again. "I meant to leave. But I didn't."  


Lavernius' hands found themselves ghosting up Leonard's sides; one coming to rest at his neck, one on his chest. He wished Leonard would look at him again.  


Instead, Leonard found something else in the distance to look at. Or not look at. Or whatever. "And my clothes were still wet," he continued. His voice had dropped a pitch lower as he said, “I mean _my_ clothes," he corrected. " _My_ clothes was still wet and, yeah, I could've just left, but I couldn't just leave without- my clothes." That part was quieter, more under his breath and Lavernius leaned in close to catch the next set of words. "I tried to leave the day after, after my clothes were dry, but Michael caught me. Dragged me out to the backyard, hollering about you making lunch or something."  


Lavernius remembered that day. He was tending to the fire, trying to get it down to coals so he could warm up the leftover soup from the day before. Michael had trotted out the back door onto the patio with a very reluctant Leonard in tow, dressed in what he was wearing in the rainstorm. Dressed in his own clothes. They ate and, after they were finished, Michael already started to get excited about the next meal. He grabbed Leonard and very loudly suggested that they could go down to the river and catch fish for dinner. _"It will be so much fun!"_ he had proclaimed. Lavernius had eventually agreed and Leonard had grumbled out his compliance as well.  


"So I stayed," Leonard signed. "And, later, I tried to leave again. But something else came up. And I tried to leave again, and another thing came up. And again, _and again._ And I've- I've tried to leave this godforsaken town since the minute I got here but-"  


Again, Leonard stopped. Lavernius waited for him to continue.  


Truthfully, Lavernius knew Leonard wanted to leave, as much as he hated the idea. The fact. Two thirds of Blue team found him out in the rain, alone, in the middle of their town tucked into a pocket of wilderness on the side of a mountain and made him third. Michael was different, Lavernius has always known he was different, but Leonard. Lenny.  


Lenny was different in his own way. While Michael was left abandoned to wander alone, Leonard was always by himself. He chose to wander. Alone. And it was happenstance that he appeared in the doorway that day. He was just passing by. Like all the other wanderers, Leonard was just seeking shelter for the night and it just so happened to be the exact same place him and Michael were at, at the time. It could have been any other house, any other town, any other forest, any other mountain, but no. Leonard wandered into Blood Gulch and he just so happened to be spotted by Michael.  


And, of course, true to Michael fashion, he just couldn't let the opportunity escape him. _"A new friend!"_ God, Lavernius could still hear him. And Mikey clung to Leonard and he never really let go.  


And, who was he kidding, _Lavernius,_ had never let go. Look at him now, still hanging on to him, still thinking about him, still loving him.  


That's what it was, wasn't it? Love. Lavernius had never really known how to love before. Back then, back in the cities, he had never really known love. Never bothered to, never _wanted_ to.  


And he's always had this idea in his head that he'd leave one day. Physically, outside the city walls. Not to another city, but to a checkout station. But, if he was honest with himself, that was all he had planned out. He didn't think of anything past that; pack up all his shit - really only a bag's worth - hitched a ride out and that was it.  


Lavernius had never really _done_ anything before, never really _been_ anybody. And, truthfully, he hadn't really wanted to. Not in the cities. He didn't like the walls or the people, everyone was just so. So _caged,_ and he always seemed to be the only one who noticed. No one else shared his ideas, or his thoughts, or ambitions, or dreams, or-  


But that's where Leonard comes in. That's what he liked about him, Leonard always listened. No one's ever really listened to him before, like truly _listened,_ and no one's ever really _talked_ with him, or laughed with him, or even wanted to be near him. _With_ him. Leonard was different from everyone else he's ever interacted with. He gets him. Really, truly, gets him.  


Sure they fight sometimes - sometimes literally - but only because they hold their thoughts and opinions so high. And when they argue, hell, at least they don't have anything against one another. Don't have a rank or a place to pull (well, there was that one time when Leonard called dibs on the last piece of deer meat by saying "I'm team leader, it's mine." As they argued over the ridiculousness of that statement, Michael had reached over and shoved the thing into his mouth and, really, what were they going to do about that? It was Michael. After that, they've learned to make a mad dash for whatever it is that they wanted - oftentimes literally. Except Michael. Michael always had this strange power about him that made Leonard and Lavernius both agree to just give him whatever it is that he wants).  


Lavernius left for the forest because _he_ wanted to get away from everything and everyone, but he found Blood Gulch instead. And, sure, Sarge and Lopez were already there, but they were just two people and, honestly, Lavernius hadn’t even _known_ they were there until Sarge barged on in and called him a "dirty Blue" but what did that even mean anyway?  


Then Michael showed up. And Lavernius never had to take care of someone before, never wanted to, but he found that he _wanted_ to take care of Michael, even if he didn't have to - _because Lavernius would be the first to tell you that Michael was so much more capable and reliable than you would ever think_ \- Lavernius _wanted_ to take care of him, and make sure he was happy, and- and-  


"But I wanted to stay," Leonard, after what felt an eternity, said. Whispered. "I- I _want_ to stay." He met Lavernius' eyes briefly before looking away again. "And I- and I've never. I've never," he seemed to shake his head a bit. Just a little, just a bit, before getting that far off look in his eyes again, and Lavernius foucused back on in because _Leonard was talking about it for him and the least he could do was pay attention, dammit._  


He nudged him slightly, with his arm, or hand, or whatever, Lavernius didn't even know _what_ he did but it got Leonard back on track. He licked his lips and continued.  


"I've never _wanted_ to stay in one place before," and that's when Leonard looked at Lavernius again and _didn't look away._ "But I- I _want_ to. I want to," he said again, more clearly, more confident. "I _want_ to stay here in this stupid fucking town, Vernie, I _want_ to."  


"But?" Lavernius prompted with baited breath because there was always a fucking but.  


"But I've never had a reason to stay in one place before." Lavernius has never heard Leonard's voice so soft before. He's never _looked_ at him like that before and- he caressed his cheek. "It's weird. It feels so fucking _weird_ waking up in the same exact place every single day. For a couple days, sure," Lavernius recalled all the times he's woken up with Leonard in his arms. "But _every day?"_ He remembered all the times Leonard _didn't_ climb into his bed. Opted for the couch instead.  


He never understood that. The couch thing. Leonard always complained about how uncomfortable that couch was, how much it made his back hurt - Lavernius never understood why he decided to sleep on it some nights.  


When he first set out for the trees, Lavernius knew little to nothing about it. It was a different world from the one he grew up in, and the information that made it to him growing up was exaggerated at best. The knowledge came to him gradually, little by little, until he came to understand a few basic concepts.  


You learn something new everyday.  


Though, in Lavernius' case, maybe he should have picked up on it sooner.  


He remembered the couch in the corner. Tomorrow, he decided, they'll switch them out. Absolutely, for Leonard, anything. He didn't like waking up in the same room everyday, that's fine, but hell, he'll wake up _comfortable,_ dammit.  


"Shit," Lavernius let that one slip. "Lenny-"  


"And I-"  


"You don't have to-"  


"I want to-"  


"Lenny-"  


"I'm staying," he looked nervous in his resolve. Swallowed. "I'm not _leaving,_ Vernie."  


"But you always leave," Lavernius has never mentioned it before. Doesn't know why he's mentioning it now. "You left around the same time last year too. You're always-"  


"But I'm still _here._ I'm still around."  


"Yeah," he heard himself scoff. "At _Red_ Base."  


"You went over there?"  


"Looking for you!" He wondered if Leonard ever spent more time with Delano. He wonders if Leonard even knows how much Michael misses him when he's gone. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything at all.  


"Well," it was amazing how none of them pulled away from the other as the tension suddenly rose. Like a switch. It was amazing how _Lavernius_ didn't move away - Leonard always gravitated closer to what he was fixated on - and he met him head on. "No one asked you to come looking for me, Lavernius.”  


"I was worried about you!"  


"There's no reason to be worried!" There was a beat of silence, a moment where Leonard's face seemed like it didn't know what expression to make, thoughts running through his head, one after another, before, "I'm _fine,"_ harsher than intended, "I'm _here,"_ softer than expected, "What are you-" tried a different course: "Why are you-" didn't work out much better. Then, "You think I'll _leave?_ Just like that? Up one day without even saying anything?"  


_"That's literally what you've been doing."_  


Leonard made to retort, but seemed to think better of it. Again, Lavernius watched as he couldn't figure out how to respond, how to feel. His mouth forming the beginnings of separate words that never made it out, and physically shifted his body to accommodate this new weight. An acceptance was formed then.  


They let the silence lapse. One second, then five, then twenty.  


After the first minute ticked by, Lavernius fought the urge to backtrack.  


Leonard slid his hands up Lavernius' back and looked at him again. Lightly squeezed a shoulder. "Do I really wander off often?"  


"A lot."  


"Really?" The quirk of Lavernius' lips matched the tilt of Leonard's head. "And here I thought I was being discreet. All ninja like."  


“Oho, you couldn't be less ninja even if you tried."  


"I could take lessons."  


"From _who?"_  


Leonard considered this for a second, making a show of it, before pausing to actually think. He sideway glances at him before asking, "Doc hasn't showed up in the time I've been gone, have they?"  


"Not yet," he chirped.  


_"Fucker."_  


The laugher burst out of him harder than he expected, and his mirth nearly carried him away if not for the mere fact that there were arms still encircling him. He bent over instead - but with nowhere else to go, he landed where Leonard's shoulder met his neck. He buried himself in it, shoulders shaking.  


He squeezed his eyes shut, and tried to gain control of his breathing. Leonard rolled his eyes and patted his back as the Blue in teal wrestled himself back together and pressed his remaining smile against Leonard's neck as soothing circles began rubbing in between his shoulder blades. It felt good, Lavernius thought, he could stand there on the small roof with his not-leader forever.  


And for a moment, he forgot that the sun was now out of sight, and that he'll never be able to manage the walk back home alone. He's the only one on Blue Team without that useful night vision bullshit ability. But, well. Nuzzling a little deeper, Lavernius huffed out the rest of his mirth. He wondered how many members of Red Team could see in the dark. Turning his head to the side, he mentally counted at least half. Maybe four - Delano's a little hard to understand sometimes.  


Kind of like Michael. But unlike with the cheery Red, any confusion Lavernius had with whatever Michael says is mainly due to the fact that- well, Michael was cheerful in his own little way. In fact, if Lavernius turned his head in the proper direction, Mikey's sleepy little smile could probably substitute for the sun and lead him all the way back to Blue Base right now.  


Instead, he turned his head in the opposite direction, aimed for a peck on the cheek that landed somewhere along Leonard's jaw, and made to stand up straight.  


An effort made difficult by the Blue holding him in place. After a bit of light struggling, Lavernius opted to just wiggle against him. Eventually, Leonard managed to stop his squirming, and the two stood there in silence once again.  


Then, “I'm really not leaving, Vernie." A beat. Quieter, a little apologetic. Almost sheepish, "For good, I mean."  


The admission stung as much as the promise did. Almost. For all the many months that he’s known him - talked with him, slept with him, fought with him, alongside him - Lavernius has always known that.  


He slowly wrapped his arms tightly around his leader and breathed out a sigh. He swallowed. "You sure?"  


"I- can't stop myself from walking off every once in a while."  


"You walk off more than just _a little."_  


"I- know. _I know."_  


He thought about those rare moments when the teams came together - usually in the winter, when the cold and snow pushed them to the point of lounging around in the upper section of Red Base in an unused spare room. When both Red and Blue set aside their differences and sat next to each other on the floor or a pulled up chair and talked. Talked about where they came from or what they did before settling in Blood Gulch, what they used to do.  


Lavernius thinks, based off of many different stories told and listened to, that Leonard's the only true wanderer of Blood Gulch. Sarge told many outlandish tales about the things they've seen and the places they've gone, but they seem content to stay in the tiny town they’ve made their home. Michael was kicked out of the community he was born into - the only reason Lavernius found him waltzing into town. Dexter... Dex might just be completely lazy, he's not looking like he'll be leaving anytime soon.  


The only occupant of Blood Gulch - as far as Lavernius knew - that was a true wanderer like Leonard was that Flowers guy. And they didn't stick around for too long, not long enough to actually be considered an _actual_ occupant. They just _occupied_ for, like, two weeks.  


Okay, now that he thought about it, maybe he didn't pay all that much attention to the guy - and the partner that they had with them. Him and Leonard were too busy avoiding them to really get to know them.  


They left just a quickly as they came, though, so.  


Lavernius stiffled a laugh in the crook of Leonard's neck. The Blue, for his part, seemed to take this as an acceptance to what he's just said and, okay, Lavernius got another back rub out of it so he'll leave it at that.  


He finally straightened and searched for those vivid eyes in the shadows. His gaze was gently directed, and a soft smile played at his lips before a pair that matched his own was placed gently against them.  


In the end, Lavernius _didn't_ make the trek back to Blue Base alone. Leonard was there, fingers entwined with his, gently directing him around fallen rubble and potholes in the street, down stairs, one at a time, and otherwise maneuvering him until a break in the trees allowed Lavernius to see at least somewhat coherently in the moonlight. Enough that it got him up to his room - squinting. Enough that when he turned around to close the door, he nearly shut it in Leonard's face.  


_"Holy fuck, dude."_ The door really almost did hit him square in the face.  


They didn't talk about the disappearing acts much after that.  


They could talk about a lot of things but. Talking about what they liked or where they came from, who they knew and what they wanted - Leonard never partook in the group sharing. Alone, with Lavernius, he shared bits and pieces. And as much as they spent together in each other’s company, Lavernius had never been able to breech the topic easily.  


As much as they talked to their hearts content, there was always an awkwardness in certain conversations.  


So, with a steady heartbeat under his ear and blankets kicked towards the end of the bunk - because, again, besides the obvious, summer was _hot as fuck_ \- Lavernius talked about food instead. Deer meat - _venison,_ Leonard had correct - and he wondered if they could get some within the next few days.  


"Have to scout for them," Leonard mused. "Mikey-"  


"Doesn’t have to know." Lavernius tried coming up with the different possibilities but came up rather short. He tried not to let it get to him by roping Leonard into his sudden excitement. "We could tell him the Reds did it if he asks."  


"Like he won’t be there with us - you do know you’re an awful hunter, right?"  


"Better than you."  


Leonard breezed right past the childish comeback, "Mikey's still weird about the nearby animals."  


"Yeah, but think about it," he shifted and looked up at him, _"deer meat,_ Leonard.”  


"Venison."  


_"Deer meat."_  


Leonard sighed. Rolled his head back into the pillows. Smiled. "Deer meat sounds good." Then, after a pause, "Think we could convince him if we tell him he'd be helping me out?"  


"But he would be. He'd be helping all of us out."  


"Yeah, well. Have to get him out there somehow."  


A beat. "You know," he shifted again, draped himself across Leonard’s chest, "we could drop him off at the Reds instead." Voice lowered, his lips brushed over his leader's, "We could go ourselves. It can't be all that hard."  


The fingers ghosting along his sides gripped him instead as Leonard laughed outright. He immediately caught himself, rolling onto his side and stifled himself against Lavernius’ lips in a chaste kiss before quietly laughing again. "You can't track for shit," he kissed him again. _"I_ don't even know how to hunt. I've only hunted, like, four times before - and I wasn't really even doing anything." A thought seemed to come to him in the middle of a third kiss, and he lingered long enough to come to a conclusion. "Actually, I think Michael did most of the work." A beat. He nodded his head admittedly, "Yeah, pretty much everything."  


A testament to how lively Blood Gulch had gotten over the years: animals used to pass by pretty often. Often enough that no one ever had to go out and actively hunt for anything - nearby bait and a trap was usually all it took. Lately, however, the traps were left untouched and the pantry's contents dwindled more and more. Leonard came together enough times to clap his hands together and finally issue an actual hunt; but Michael generally took the reins in leading it.  


Lavernius smiled. He was grateful - Leonard was right, he couldn't track for shit. Neither of them were any useful in a hunt. The only thing they were really any good at is carrying everything back and comforting Michael after everything was said and done.  


He tucked himself up against Leonard’s side. Tried not to think about the remorse he remembers on a certain Blue’s face. "Yeah,” he agreed. “You’re right."  


They laid there quietly after that. Lavernius tried not to think too much. He tried not to think about a lot of things; like how the pantry was in dire need of restocking, and how weird it was that Michael didn’t hold any particular feelings over _fish,_ but every other animal out there he grew an attachment to the moment he laid eyes on them. He tried not to think about how little he knew about traps, and how incompetent he was with living in Blood Gulch - how incompetent he was with a lot of things, not just when it came to the trees.  


He tried not thinking about how the Reds never seemed to have trouble accommodating to the life they found; tried not thinking about how he wasn’t the only one who came straight out of a checkout station, yet _Dick_ seemed to be fairing just fine. Better than him, even.  


And why did he ever decide that _this_ is what he wanted? What has he gained from this experience? Has he ever only piggybacked off of other people up until now?  


He bargained to get out of the cities, and they drove his ass until he had nothing left to offer; dumped him out on the side of the broken and unkept road the first chance they got and he started walking. He walked until he was tired and admittedly lost when he stumbled into Blood Gulch-  


"But," Leonard spoke up. "I mean- we could still drop him off sometime."  


That perked him up. "For what?"  


Leonard pulled him close. A kiss to the corner of his mouth brought him even closer, and when he spoke against his lips, Lavernius forgot about everything else. "Just to be alone for a little while." And he didn’t sound too sheepish when he said, "We could leave, even. Just for a little while, just for a few days."  


Lavernius thought about the conversation they had on the rooftop, the sun slipping out of sight and all the words that weren’t said. Leonard, seeking out the horizon. _Leonard,_ whose eyes kept pulling back to the avenue before him.  


And how torn was he? Split between the unfamiliar life he enjoyed and the staple crutch of the life he left behind. Lavernius feared he would never know. Never relate to such a vital aspect of the Blue leader. Being there beside him wasn’t enough; the majority of Blood Gulch were closer to him in regards to the things they’ve seen, what they’ve done. What has Lavernius seen that Leonard has? Hasn’t? They came from vastly different worlds, it was a wonder how they’ve mangaed for this long.  


Leonard offered him up a token. A chance to see what he’s seen. Just the two of them. To share everything Lavernius had never had before.  


But then he thought about Michael. Dark hair seemingly darker than Leonard’s sooty black, and eyes of a different hue but shone brighter all the same. He thought about his laughter and his smile, how easily he can rope the Blues into his ideas, his genuine curiosity and pure excitement for the most mundane of things.  


He thought about how quiet Blue Base was before he came along. How uneventful, how still. How lonely he was. Lavernius thought about leaving for wherever Leonard had in mind - nowhere and anywhere at all - and he found that he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t live in his world, even for a little while, without that certain noise in his life.  


As much as he wanted to go.  


He felt Leonard smile before he pulled back, and Lavernius could just see it in his eyes, the oversight the Blue knows he’s missed. It shadowed his features in the already somberly lit room (it was really fucking dark. He briefly weighed the pros and cons of teetering outside of his open window and hacking away at all the branches managing to block out all possible light but. He thought better of it), Lavernius recognized it: the repentance that tempted the corner of the Blue’s lips instead of turning them downward. They had both traveled down similar lines of thought.  


They couldn’t bare to leave Michael behind.  


Leonard was more appropriately sheepish when he spoke next, the worn mattress creaking under his weight as he shifted, and sought something in the ceiling. "Well, maybe we could bring him with us."  


The entirety of Blue Team out in the wilderness. Imagine that. Leonard bitching about the twigs that always managed to find their way into his boots and Michael's chatter following them all the while. Lavernius picking up conversations, gaze never settling on one distinct thing, always having to take in everything and anything. The world was so new and different and how he _wished_ he could see more of it. How he wished he was competent enough.  


But, looking at Leonard, maybe he didn’t need to be competent enough. What was _competent_ when he found him soaked to the bone? What was competent when a Red leader started yelling at you the second you stepped foot on the wrong side of the avenue? What’s competent when two bickering idiots wasn’t even paying attention to anything but themselves for a trip halfway around the side of an obsolete mountain?  


And maybe Lavernius didn’t have what it takes to make it on his own. But he had Leonard. And Michael. And _they_ never stepped foot inside of a city before in their lives, have they?  


_Wait... that’s a good idea._  


He mentally shook his head and replaced himself against Leonard’s side. That could wait. For now, Lavernius agreed and let out a small sigh.  


_"You_ could even pick a place," Leonard said quietly after a while. "Wherever you want, just pick a direction," he gestured aimlessly with a hand. "Anywhere, it doesn't matter." Then, after half a beat, so low Lavernius almost missed it, "Really, so long as we're all there, it really doesn't matter. It's up to you."  


The blossoming swell inside of his chest left him speechless, and when he was able to find his voice all he managed was a croaked, "Really?"  


"Really."  


"Yeah?"  


"Yeah."  


They laid there silently after that - Lavernius more so because he was still short circuiting than anything else, but, after blinking a few times, he was able to form, "You're not fucking with me, are you?"  


"Course not," was his reply, perhaps with a bit more bite than intended; he shifted and, softer, quieter, "No. I- no, I'm not." Fingertips found the side of Lavernius' face, gently tracing the line of his cheekbone, up to his ear, down to his jaw. "Anywhere, Vernie. Where you wanna go?"  


If he was Leonard, then he would probably be able see the stupid smile that spread across Lavernius' face - no, wait. Leonard could absolutely see his smile, could see him in his entirety, plain as day, slivers of moonlight managing to make their way across his form or not, Leonard could see everything. His dumb-stupid look- does he look dumb right now? Does he care? Think it's funny, maybe-  


He realized he was speaking before he registered what it was that he was saying. Something about how hot it was - not _just_ suddenly - and is the window really open? Then, "You know what an air conditioner is, right?"  


"A what?"


End file.
